I 
am feeling a bit sentimental this evening. My dad earlier today had “the talk”. And no, not the one about a guy liking a girl and how babies are made, the talk about the end. As in what he would like to happen if he were to die. You see, tomorrow he is going in for a stent operation, a procedure that my Grandmother (his mom), did not survive some 15 or so years ago.
All of this makes me just think about how life is short, that we need to seek the most fulfilling path that we can now. But the difference lies in trying to find what makes us truly happy. Will a mountain of possessions, new cars, fancy clothes, or a house make me more happy? Or would spending more time with our loved ones while we are all still here?
Life is more than items. Life is more than exotic trips. More than ever, I realize life is about who you spend it with, not what you spend it on.
To be honest, I never understood the mentality behind the “You Only Live Once” motto. I understand that I have only one life, but why would I desire to disregard it? I don’t want tons of debt, relationships that don’t last, or things that don’t last and leave me empty. No amount of possessions or trips to another country can make up for time lost with a loved one. If you are looking for a point to reevaluate your goals in life, it isn’t some time in the future after you “have enough” or have “traveled enough”, the time is now.
If I only have one life to live on this earth, then it should be spending time with the people that matter to me. In realizing that, stuff just gets in the way of doing this. To acquire more things means that I have to work longer. If I want a cable subscription to “relax” after working all day and pay $100+ a month I need another $30,000 added to my nest egg to reach retirement based on the 4% safe withdrawal. Not only that, during this entire process I am spending $1,200 a year that I could save towards reaching financial independence faster to cover expenses that truly matter. You can look at any expense, say it is spending $150 / month eating out. Is that worth waiting to accumulated another $45,000 just to be able to continue eating out instead of spending that time with the people that matter?
When looking at my expenses this month, I feel fairly satisfied. There are the expenses that I cannot get away with while working, such as transportation and taxes. I have spent money taking care of my home and on food for my wife and I. But beyond that, I have had several luxuries. We have eaten out several times this month, but two of those occurred while visiting friends and family in Columbus. This also increased my fuel prices for the month, but that is ok, because the reason behind it is what I am seeking in the end. Could I have possibly saved more by eating differently? Yes, this is an area I feel can still improve, and I am working on it. But overall I can see where my money is going, and the purpose behind each dollar.
If you do not have a purpose behind a dollar that leaves your pocket think about what you are doing. You only live once. Make the most of your time and money by being purposeful with what brings you the most fulfillment when that dollar leaves your pocket. Every single dollar not spent on what truly matters now should go towards continuing that when you are no longer working. If that cup of coffee isn’t bringing you immense joy that you will remember, then why is it worth more than your family, travel, or whatever you desire to do?
I write this today, just asking that you think about your actions. Do not react, think about what will bring you long term joy and fulfillment. Don’t waste your life, do what matters now and save everything else so that you can continue to do what really matters for the rest of your life.
*Update: The procedure was quick this morning, the doctor determined that a stent was not needed at this time. Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers concerning this.
Photo Credit: Teerapun / freedigitalphotos.net
Having that talk with your parents is a strange conversation, I had that a while back and it was somewhat uncomfortable but necessary as my dad is a mere mortal and not superman. It also put things into perspective for me as I do not want to work for decades only to realize that once I can finally retire I might have health issues that prevent me from doing the things that I always thought I would do once I achieved it.
I’ll be sending out positive thoughts for your dad’s surgery!
-Zee
Thanks Zee! I was prepared for him to bring up that conversation yesterday as I know the history and the fact that he said he needed to talk to me that day. That still doesn’t made it an odd conversation to have, but I felt comfortable as I was expecting it. And thank you for your positive thoughts!
Wow, great post Kipp! You’re right, life is all about who you surround yourself with. They say you are the average of the five people you interact with daily. Life is too short to get mad about the little things, forgive and move on.
Cheers!
I agree Henry, you should spend your life around whom you desire, not an object you desire.
Kipp,
I couldn’t agree more!
I wrote a post a while back titled “YOLO” which was along the same lines. I basically think the YOLO crowd has it correct, but the way they go about it is all wrong. We do indeed live only once, which is EXACTLY why you should be making the most of your limited time on this planet. And I can think of no better way than to buy your time while you’re young to enjoy the rest of your life however you choose.
Best wishes!
Yea, I mean it is hard to argue that we DON’T live only once, but what people justify doing because “they only live once” is kind of stupid. Brand new car cause you have one life or spending more time with family because you have one life? Obviously you need to balance now and later, but your dollars should be reflecting that balance.
Great post, Kipp! I completely agree with this perspective. I have no desire to throw my cares to the wind and “live it up.” I do want to spend more time with my family and friends, though. This is part of what motives me to strive for financial independence. Your family is in my thoughts today.
Thank you Addison, the procedure is much safer than it was that long ago to my understanding, however that still does not remove all risk. Thank you for your thoughts.
Kipp
It can be so hard not to waste time while you’re getting out of debt, which is where we are. But, this article just gives me more resolve to get out of debt sooner – so we can start gaining experiences as soon as the kiddo is old enough to appreciate them. Good thoughts!
Hi Gretchen,
I am glad that my post is helping motivate you towards your financial goals! Keep up the health too, because clogged arteries are not good…
Kipp,
Great post and I’m happy to read a stint was not needed!
I’m all for the YOLO thinking, but not in the same way as most people use it. I only live once, so why would I waste my time working to pay for stuff that I don’t really need to enjoy my only lifetime on earth. I want to be able to do what I want, not what someone else tells me to for money!
Cheers,
NMW
PS: badass picture! You look like you’re ready to tackle a bulldozer. (And if it’s not entirely clear, I mean that as a compliment.
)
Oh yea, I mean it is plainly obvious that we live once, but I have never understood how that translated to buy everything you can now?
LOL, if I could tackle a bulldozer that would be an accomplishment!
I’m so glad to hear he’s doing okay.
You said it man. “Life is more than items. Life is more than exotic trips. More than ever, I realize life is about who you spend it with, not what you spend it on.” Love that. Couldn’t be more true. I think we often forget that money is just a utility that allows us to do the things we want to do. It’s not an end all be all, and it sure as hell won’t matter how much money you have when it’s your time, because you can’t take it with you. Great post Kipp.
Thanks Ryan. Yea, missing out on spending time with the people that matter is something that I desire to have no regrets.
My wife and I had a little discussion last night about trying to keep in contact with our closest family and then friends as well and which relationships are worth fighting for (as in keep trying to be the one making contact and getting together even if they do not initiate). Some people you are just “meh” if they don’t try to keep in contact, but others we will strive to continue to be in touch regardless of where they live.
I think “life is short you only live once” can be thought of as two things.
In one way (as you said) it means to we should spend more time with our loved ones.
However, others take the YOLO approach and decide to do stupid things because hey, you only live once! I think this means that every day, we should be striving to do our best.
Hi Tony,
I agree, and I mentioned that I really do not understand how YOLO really translates to “let’s do something stupid, or waste money on X”.
Thanks for stopping by!
Thanks for sharing this very personal blog post with us. I’m happy that the procedure went well and that a stent was not required at the time. It is true that time is the one commodity that is always depreciating for all of us and when you stop and think about what’s really important it often comes back to family or personal well being and not any physical possession. I think this post speaks very closely to a lot of the dividend/debt reduction bloggers out there as we all seek a common goal of genuine FI and seek intangible joys rather than physical ones.
Thanks Keith, I agree. But we also need to focus on those now. I forget what blog I read it on, but basically your retired life shouldn’t look alot different than you are living now, just more time focused on what matters.
Good post. I think many people get caught up in their work and they forget that it should be working to live, not living to work. Or others get too caught up in investing and forget that the money they earn should be used to have fun while living life instead of just being reinvested all the time
Hi Dan,
I agree it is a balance, but you really need to think about what fun really is. If you are spending on something that you are likely to not remember you are better off saving that money.
I can completely identify with your post. I have been talking a lot with my dad about these thing lately. I can’t imagine my life without him, but I think realizing that we all have the “end” in our future gives us better perspective in making short term decisions that produce better long term outcomes!
Hi Brandi,
I agree, although it may not be something we desire to talk about it is a fact of life. And realizing it earlier can help us make those wiser short term decisions as you mention.
Glad that things are okay with your Dad. That would certainly be front and foremost on his mind, given that happened to your grandmother. The stuff you talk about here are like the best kept secret in the real world, but very popular in the PF world. It’s almost like we have a shared dialect that no one else knows how to speak.
Hi Deb,
It is kind of odd that the real world doesn’t realize it. I mean how many people do you need to see die or nearly die before you wake up?
First of all, I’m glad to hear that your procedure went well!
I try to balance my YOLO mentality with my sincere desire to be prepared for the future. It’s true that you only live once, but it’s also true that you might live a long time. Like you said, it’s all about being purposeful with your money and making each dollar/moment count.
Thanks Holly, it was my dad’s procedure (not mine… man if I need a stent at age 27 that would be SAD). And yes, the key is to have a purpose for your money, either spend it on what matters now or in the future.
Glad you Dad is good Kipp. I think the YOLO crowd actually does a disservice to the message. Yes, you only live once, but that doesn’t mean you need to grow crazy and buy a bunch of crap or travel all over. You need to do what makes you happy and spend time with those who keep you in that state. You also need to understand where you are going.
Thank you Grayson. I completely agree that the crowd that claims “YOLO” is the crowd that actually acts against what they claim. In truly thinking about living just once, you should focus your time and money on what is important, and that seems to be missed by the crowd, and as you said, creates a disservice to the actual meaning.
Hey Kipp, that’s got to be an incredibly rough conversation to have. I’m glad the operation went so smoothly too! It’s really cool that you were able to tie this emotional time to a financial and life lesson. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Josh. Yea it is a hard conversation to have, but I was prepared to have the conversation at least. I am glad that you enjoyed the financial and life lesson.
Kipp
Right on! Stuff is just stuff. No long term happiness or fulfillment does it bring. Now taking long walks with the family; that puts my mind in the right place.
I hope you father pulls through OK.
Thank you Mr 1500. Walks with the family sounds nice! Depending on my dad’s exercise requirements maybe I can encourage him by doing that or biking.